New Age
The ‘new’ age, regarded by some to be some amazing new thing to get in touch with your body and soul and improve yourself both physically and mentally. Now the New Age has many definitions and can encompass a lot of different beliefs to the blindingly stupid, to the most hardcore of Atheists. For the sake of this article, I’ll be focusing on our blindingly stupid friends.
New age picked up a lot of ground in the 60, 70s and 80s. I imagine a lot of this had to do with the Hippy movement, because Hippys fucking love anything like this, very much a counterculture. Once the media picked up on the now subculture (I feel myself getting angry already), these lot believed in a hell of a lot. I’ll go through a few of them.
Crystals
Probably one of my favourite things about New Age people is that they believe that certain Crystals have some magical powers. When we actually stop and think ‘Why the hell would this do anything?’ we come up with the conclusion that there is nothing. But oh no, New Agers swear blind that this practice can heal a wide range of ailments. According to http://www.crystalwellbeing.co.uk/ some stones can actually heal the body. Fuck your Doctor who spent how many years looking into how to heal a huge range of different conditions, these crystals are the biz! Stick a few onto your body to get rid of a range of diseases or problems, I’ve even heard they can cure Arthritis. Although healing physical pain seems to be bad, they even claim they can heal emotional pain such as depression. No, they can’t, that’s really retarded. Like most New Age things, Crystals are nothing but a pseudoscience and the Placebo effect, with the patients seriously believing they are being healed from whatever it is they have, and ignoring anything that suggests otherwise, like physical pain. Now whilst not only is this incredibly retarded, this is also quite obviously dangerous. It stops people with serious medical conditions going to see someone who can actually help them in some shape or form. People only reject these people in a pathetic attempt to being against the ‘mainstream.’ It’s a very sad and dangerous practice.
Zodiac
The Zodiac has seen a new emergence under the New Age people, as again, it wasn’t very mainstream, a very old system to predict what is going to happen on Earth by looking at the stars. Totally logical, perfect sense. If my obvious sarcasm has gone over you then please stop reading. Anyway, this is another stupid thing to get involved if. There are some people who take these predictions very seriously despite their lack of any real value, as we now have a little bit more knowledge of our our universe works and why the stars move about, something which the Babylonians didn’t. Why such a system invented thousands of years ago is still used today is beyond me. If anything the Zodiac is a fun little thing to use and joke about, but it does not define who you are, what you are like or what is going to happen to you. Your genes do that, not some pathetic little consolation and the moon.
Herbs
Now here I am not talking about the sort of herbs that can actually help, with scientific backing, with various issues. No particular herbs come to mind that heal certain ailments but I am aware that there are some. However the amount of stupid herbs that can ‘cure’ cancer and depression is just silly. How the hell is eating some grass going to cure cancer!? That is beyond stupidity. Some people actually stop taking drugs which have taken millions of pounds to develop, and gone through years of trials, only to be beaten by some herbs. Sweet. If your seriously considering ever taking these silly treatments, for the love of God/Allah/whoever, don’t give up your actual treatment that helps. If you want to have a placebo effect, by all means go ahead, but make sure you are still taking the stuff that actually matters.
Firewalking
Very popular as a team building exercise, or, more commonly, as a spiritual enlightenment proving mind over matter! Walking on fire and not getting hurt!? Totally AWESOME! I’m getting me some of that. Well it’s all a load of bollocks really, another way to scam money from people who are desperate for some actual help. Basically you just walk over some ashes, and you do it, it doesn’t really hurt and somehow this proves you are ‘the balls’ and can do anything when you put your mind to it. Well two things wrong here. For one, your probably not ‘the balls’ and two, it proves nothing. Ever felt your feet? Do it now, and notice the skin. There is a huge amount of rock hard dead skin on the bottom of your feet. It’s there for protections in harsh environments, say like some hot ashes… Another great scam!
Tarot
Another very old game that has now gone into overdrive with new age. Also another big hoax. There is no way a few cards can predict what is going to happen to you in the near future, your personality or anything else for that matter. So how do the readers sometimes seem to know exactly what you are like? Simple. They just take a good look at your and judge your personality. If they get it right, great, they have you hooked and you listen to their every word, come back to them more and give them more money! If not, ah well, no big loss, they’ll just claim they weren’t feeling it or that they misread the cards. Another big waste of money. Cold reading at it’s finest! And one more for the road…
Aura
A favourite of mine is the Aura. Apparently it’s something that sort of comes out of every living thing and is some supernatural energy. We simpletons can’t see it as we aren’t awesome enough, only people with special powers can do that. Funny how they are all new age people isn’t it? Funny how they also sell training to see these things, and even goggles to see them! What’s that? Money? Who would have thought! I certainly didn’t see this coming. Most of the time the reason people see anything is due to focusing too hard on a certain object, hurting the retina and making it trip slightly. No training needed here folks, just strain your eyes. And then you get the total cunts saying they can give you a medical diagnosis based on your Aura. Of course there isn’t one consensus on what colour or thing means what, so it’s basically whatever the hell the person you see thinks. They’ll just lie or use cold reading to tell you what they think is the problem.
You see, the reason I really dislike these people is that they take advantage of others who are depressed, upset or unwell in some way and make them spend money and refuse advice from professionals who want to help them and this can potentially be fatal. What utter wankers you have to be do this sort of thing for a living and have a clear conscience at the end of the day. I’m a total cunt, but at least I can say I’m not as bad as these guys. Feel free to comment and visit my wordpress blog dantheman999.wordpress.com and leave comments there as well.
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